May 7, 2013 · 6:00 pm

Making Your Dissertation First Class

Obviously, any degree is a massive achievement and you should be wildly proud of yourself for turning up and learning fascinating things, but if you happen to be a high achiever on the cusp of a top  grade, here’s what markers are looking for. (Check your mark scheme for your institution’s individual requirements.)

Originality is key. This can be in many forms. Consider a new phenomenon in terms of an old theory; do research that hasn’t been done before (at least make sure no one else on your course is doing it!); dig in to one of your university’s archives for interesting materials to test your theory against; do a close analysis of a single unconventional issue. It can be hard to be ‘original’ on purpose, so read around your subject before deciding on your title and just see what thoughts come to you. At some point your brain will probably go, ‘well that’s interesting, but what if…?’ and there’s your question. 

A critical evaluation of the literature. This means that beyond showing a full understanding of the research on your topic, you’ve demonstrated insight and considered the theorists critically, not just accepted their work as the truth. 

Have a clear argument that you stick to throughout. First class essays have a real sense of purpose – every sentence has a vital function which builds to prove its thesis. 

Relevance either to society or to the current debates in your academic field is always impressive. It demonstrates that you’re engaged in academia, like your lecturers are, and they may well appreciate this mature approach. It will seem to them more like the journal articles they read than just another undergrad essay. 

High quality English is mentioned in most mark schemes, with accurate spelling, grammar and punctuation. The writing should flow well with careful word choice, minimal repetition and an engaging style. 

Accurate and thorough referencing and a strong structure are also vital.  

Most importantly, give yourself plenty of time to think about it; start early if you can. All of the above would be ideal, but aren’t necessarily essential. The majority of essays and dissertations that I work on that end up being awarded firsts get the mark because the student has chosen a topic they’re interested in and their enthusiasm has come across. Some of the best dissertations I’ve read have a tight structure, fluency that makes the argument easy to follow and a conclusion that addresses the title. 

Would you like thoughtful, clear advice on your dissertation? Get in touch!

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May 3, 2013 · 8:22 pm

‘Thou Smell of Mountain Goat’ and Other Useful Comebacks

Groucho Marx

‘That’s not writing, it’s typing.’ Truman Capote said of Jack Kerouac. When writers aren’t dissing each other, they put their best insults in their books. Here are some of my favourite literary put-downs.

This post was inspired by a birthday gift of Shakespearean insult badges (see picture). I remember when my birthday badges used to say ‘It’s my birthday’ or ‘I’m [insert age here] today’, but as they don’t seem to make those for people over a certain age, these days I get ‘Thou smell of mountain goat’.  Let’s start with some more classic barbs from the bard.

William Shakespeare

‘I desire that we be better strangers.’ The classy way to unfriend someone. 

shakespearean insults

‘He has not so much brain as earwax.’ Which reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut: ’If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.’

Jane Austen

For when the obligatory guy with acoustic guitar and indeterminate facial hair arrangement has pushed it with one too many Jeff Buckley covers around the camp fire… ‘You have delighted us long enough.’

‘Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition.’ Just wander off into your mind palace when above bloke has had his instrument forcible removed and turns instead to monologuing cod philosophy.

P.G Wodehouse

‘And she’s got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.’ A genuinely slow person may struggle with the maths here, thus you are safe to insult away without fear of repercussions.

‘You probably think that being a guest in your aunt’s house I would hesitate to butter you all over the front lawn and dance on the fragments in hobnailed boots, but you are mistaken. It would be a genuine pleasure.’

Charles Dickens

‘He’d make a lovely corpse.’ It’s a threat, but not one Scotland Yard could have you for.

‘The plain truth is, that he was a most intolerable ruffian, a disgrace to human nature, and a blot of blood and grease upon the history of England.’ Tell me what you really think…

Oscar Wilde

‘I never saw someone take so long to dress which such little result.’ Boom. Or perhaps we should forgo unkind banter and follow Wilde’s wise judgement:

always forgive

Do you have a favourite? Tell me in the comments! If you enjoyed this, please like and share.

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April 23, 2013 · 6:18 pm

The Shakespeare Interpretations I’d Like to See

Happy Shakespeare’s birthday everyone!

I have been to see two productions of Romeo and Juliet in my time. The first was the Royal Shakespeare Company’s interpretation, romeo-and-juliettransposing this great love story to Fascist Italy. It was a moving production in black, grey, white and fierce red, with prison-like sets and breath-taking performances. The second was in a park of a summer’s evening, by a less-renowned organisation, which consisted of about four people trying to play all the parts. Much of the dialogue was shouted from behind curtains as actors frantically transformed from Tybalt to Lady Capulet. One of these productions moved me to tears, at the other, I had to work very hard not to laugh during the tomb scene. My point is, it’s not just the bard’s words that matter, but the whole production. Here are some I’d buy a front row seat in the circle for. 

Julius Caesar as played by the coalition government: ‘Et tu, Clegg?’

A gender reversed production of The Taming of the Shrew, wherein women would conspire to train men like ‘falcon(s)’ and say such questionable things as  ’[I] am born to tame you’, and ‘Thy [wife] is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper, Thy head, thy sovereign’ while forcing their menfolk not to eat or sleep for several days. Let’s see how it looks when the silken Elizabethan shoe is on the other foot. 

midsummer-nights-dream-shakes-puckA Midsummer Night’s Dream should become A Midsomer Night’s Dream, set in the fictional, picturesque murder capital of England. It makes Puck lurking in the bushes just that little bit more sinister. Just imagine this on ITV1 of a Tuesday:

‘Thus I die. Thus, thus, thus.
Now I am dead,
Now I am fled,
My soul is in the sky.
Tongue, lose thy light.
Moon take thy flight.
Now die, die, die, die.’

A band of people in a remote location who must complete tasks to rejoin civilisation? It’s either The Tempest or ‘I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’. I propose adding Ant and/or Dec to the former or Sir Ian McKellen to the latter, I don’t mind which. ‘Hell is empty and all the devils are here,’ again, really could apply to either.  

One more: Hamlet in Space. Think about it. 

Have you seen any memorable Shakespeare plays? What version would you like to see? Tell me in the comments! 

As Shakespeare said, please like and share this post – thanks! 

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April 18, 2013 · 8:41 pm

Is It Just Me? by Miranda Hart

Warning: The following review lovingly parodies the style of Miranda (I suggest you do a quick YouTube if that means nothing toIs-it-just-me-hardback-jacket1 you, or just continue with the prior knowledge that you are about to be discombobulated). Please note I don’t usually speak/write like this (well not very much like this).

Well a hello to you, my dear reader chum. Are we all sitting comfortably, ready for une petite book review-let? Previously in my life I did some amusingly kooky things and then read a book by a comedian called Miranda Hart. She has a sitcom that I watched all at once when I was poorly one day. I rather like it. ‘Is It Just Me?’ runs through a plethora (good word, plethora) of lifestyle issues and potential embarrassing scenarios. Much of the book is written as a conversation between Miranda and her eighteen year old self, so, given the parallel style that I’m going for, I’m going to tell my eighteen year old self about this book. 

Hello little Eve, what a delight to see you in all your preppy blondeness, how’s things? 

Oh. My. God. You’re me from the future! What are you here to tell me? Am I in grave danger? Do I have to kill and/or save Sarah Connor? 

Erm, no I’m just here to tell you about a book you’re going to read in the future. It’s quite funny, a really good bit of light reading. The chapters are really quick to dip into and they’re themed around the hazards and awkwardness of adult life, like hobbies, beauty, dating, exercise…

You’re from the future, and you’re going to tell me about some TV tie-in stocking filler? How did you get here anyway? Did you pimp a Delorean? Have you got a TARDIS?

You watch too much TV. I’m sorry to disappoint, but this is merely a convenient narrative device. 

Oh, lame. And I bet you watch too much TV too.

Point taken. Anyway, sit back and relax, little E, for now I shall tell you what I like and disliked about this book. 

Things I Thought Were Charming and Utterly Enjoyable, Please and Thank You Very Much, About Miranda Hart’s Gleeful Bookington

  1. The way she uses lists. There was a good amount of lists and they’re great for a quick skip through in a tea break. 
  2. The way she gives her lists over-long titles. Such fun.
  3. It ends really quite touchingly and inspiringly on a ‘follow your dreams’ sort of note.

Things I Enjoyed a Little Less Than I’d Enjoy a Jolly Ramble in the Home Counties Followed by a Pack of Jammie Dodgers and a Nice Sit Down 

  1. She abbreviates her term of endearment ‘My dear reader chum’ to MDRC, which my brain refused to read as anything other than ‘My Democratic Republic of Congo’.
  2. Eight pages are the transcript of an imagined conversation WITH HER DOG. (Caps for emphasis, classic Miranda style.)
  3. Some of the points were a bit generic and some of the anecdotes have been re-enacted in the sitcom, which I am already well acquainted with. New content much preferred, please and thank you. 

Is that it now, old Eve? Can you stop yabbering on about some book and tell me a bit about our future? What do we do? Has the five year plan been achieved with the degree and the job? 

Five year plan? My goodness, you’re like a nerdy Stalin. I think if I told you it might ruin things, butterfly effect and all, and besides, things work out. 

Well if you’re just going to be all mysterious, can you leave me alone so I can get on with my revision? 

That’s one thing, I will say – you should probably chill out – don’t work so hard! 

If I don’t work this hard, how would you be where we are today? 

What – drinking a cup of tea and amusing myself by writing fripperations on the Internet? I think we’d be all right. Do put some effort in to English though, that one will come in handy. Nice pashmina by the way. 

You too. Laters. 

drink-umbrellaThat is another thing I wasn’t entirely keen on in the book. When you bring in a character from the past, there is a huge temptation to overdo the ‘isn’t modern technology hilarious, ridiculous and miraculous when you explain it to someone from the 1980s’ jokes; in the business we call it ‘defamiliarisation’. But in general, it was a bit of a laugh. My favourite sentence in it was, ‘why does a drink need an umbrella? It’s already wet!’ 

In this book, Miranda says she never thought she’d write one, because she’s ‘not much of a ‘words’ person’, but she’s managed to assemble a fair few pretty competently. 

That is all, cheery byes, much love and enthusiastic waving. 

Have you read it? Did you think it was splendorific? Tell me in the comments! 

Did you enjoy this reviewington? Liking and sharing shows that you’re caring!

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April 8, 2013 · 5:26 pm

It is a Truth Universally Acknowledged that a Good Opening Line Can Make all the Difference

Last week I opened a book and the first line was so thoroughly uninspiring that I gave a small incredulous yell and immediately closed it, forever. That line was, ‘It was Thursday and I was making soup.’ Congratulations, author who shall remain nameless, with those eight unbelievably dull short words you have put me off what may well be an excellent story. I realise this may just be my opinion, but in a ranking of days and foods, I’m pretty sure ‘Thursdays’ and ‘soup’ are the dullest. There is in fact a competition for the worst opening lines that has some fantastic examples of awfulness; a winner used the imaginatively terrible ‘He swaggered into the room with a certain Wikipedic insouciance‘.

1984The opening line of any piece of writing really matters. It is your first impression and it needs to be good. What do you want people to know about your book? A lot can be established in one line. For example, 1984 begins: ‘It was a bright, cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.’ George Orwell instantly demonstrates that we are in an alternate future where things are fundamentally reordered.

Establishing theme is a common factor in many of the most famous opening lines. Sweeping statements in the author’s voice are often best remembered: ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.’ With parallel phrasing and a lovely contrast, Charles Dickens immediately introduces social dichotomy as a central subject of A Tale of Two Cities.  A universal declaration is also used by Tolstoy to begin Anna Karenina: ‘All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.’ The reader infers that what follows will be a personal drama with much pain and unhappiness.

Imperatives work well to start things off; they draw the reader directly into the action. Consider this from Vikram Seth’s A Suitable Boy: ‘“You will marry the boy I choose,” said Mrs Rupa Mehra firmly to her younger daughter.’ The mother’s attempt to find her daughter a suitable boy to marry is the core of the story. The conflict over this is also confirmed by the use of the adverb. Using dialogue to begin can pull the reader straight into the characters’ relationships. First person can have the same impact: ‘Call me Ishmael’ works as a simple, iconic imperative in Herman Melville’s Moby Dick.

Beginning at the end is a device often employed. Daphne du Maurier’s rebeccaRebecca begins: ‘Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.’ Using a dream perfectly expresses the significance of this place; the evenness of the syllables gives it a rhythm. We are also told that the book will be an open and deeply personal recollection.  

A real favourite is from Douglas Adams’ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe: ‘The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry and has widely been regarded as a bad move.’ This always gives me a laugh. The first line should prompt an immediate reaction from the reader, whether it’s amusement, interest, excitement, recognition or empathy. Don’t just start to tell the story; tell the reader something about the story.  

What do you think makes a good opening line? What’s your favourite? I’d love to know! Comment below and please do like and share! 

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April 1, 2013 · 12:12 pm

The Hundred Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared by Jonas Jonasson

The Hundred Year Old ManCurrently 6 in the best-sellers list, I am reliably informed by Amazon that it has been in their top 100 for 247 days. I think, therefore, it is safe to conclude that this book is a popular sensation, and it definitely deserves to be widely read.

Alan Karlsson climbs out of the (ground floor) window of his room at the old people’s home to avoid his hundredth birthday party, looking for one last adventure. He certainly finds action as he is chased down by a criminal gang and the police as he goes on the run with his newly acquired accomplices, including an over-educated hot dog stand owner and an elephant called Sonya. We are also told about Allan’s remarkable life so far. Spanning the twentieth century, he unwittingly influences history and manages to meet many of the most important historical figures. Using real, publicly known people in a novel is often a brilliant device – the author can satirise and subvert expectations, based on common perceptions. The writing is amusingly dead-pan and gets funnier as the book goes on.  

There will be innumerable reviews of this best-seller, so for a change, I’m going to answer some of the handily listed ‘Reading Group Discussion Questions’ from the back.

  1. What do you think are the central themes of the book?  Age, friendship, morality, international politics (and its frequent futility/mutability), identity.
  2. Why do you think the author chose to make the main character one hundred years old? To give him a unique perspective, an excusable amorality and to explore the changing century through a single perspective.
  3. Did you enjoy the use of humour? Which moments stood out to you? Very much so! Allan comforting the ten year old Kim Jong Il; when he recruited a spy by holding up a large poster; the spoilt batch of bibles (which had to be discarded because a mischievous type-setter wrote ‘and they all lived happily ever after’ at the end); Allan drinking Harry S. Truman under the table.
  4. Was the end satisfying? I didn’t like everything that happened at the end, though things are tied up successfully and the very last page is highly pleasing indeed.

All in all, a very entertaining book. Have you read it? What do you think of it? Do you have different answers to the above questions? Let me know in the comments! 

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March 26, 2013 · 1:55 pm

Poetry Postcards

Do you like poetry? Do you like getting postcards? I know I do! British Poet V.C Linde  is chopping up one of her excellent works and send it out, line by line, on interesting postcards, to be reassembled via picture uploads into a completely new work. I think it’s a really exciting project and I was thrilled to receive my postcard yesterday. The picture is Japanese writer, Ryunosuke Akutagawa.postcard

Would you like a poetry postcard? Here’s how it works (taken from here).

A brief rundown of how the poetry postcards project will work, step-by-step.

1. I have written a long (400 line) poem that has been broken down into 100 short poems.

2. These short poems have been typed up, printed out and stuck onto the front of beautiful postcards of writers.

3. I ask for one hundred addresses to send out these postcards to, the addresses can be a home address, work address, PO box or office – whatever is best and I promise that I am the only person to see the address and I will not keep records.

4. As soon as I get an address I pick a postcard at random (not in the original order written) and send it out. They then travel to whichever part of the world they are heading and arrive at your door.

5. You, the recipient, get a lovely postcard with a short poem pasted on the front.

6. You take a picture of the postcard, whichever part you like – but please if you are taking pictures of the back of the card take care to cover your address!

7. You upload the picture to the internet. It can be posted on Tumblr, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook or emailed directly to me at poetrypostcards@gmail.com all I ask is that you check I can see it and reblog it here. 

8. You let me know that your picture is online (via any part of the internet) and I post your picture up on this Tumblr. 

9. In the end there will be a whole new poem online, all one hundred poems (hopefully) will be shown and will make a new poem!

Wherever you are in the world, send your address to poetrypostcards@gmail.com to receive a poetry postcard. What do you think of the idea?

 

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March 21, 2013 · 6:00 pm

Why I love ‘He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven’

Happy World Poetry Day! To celebrate, I’d like to discuss one of my favourite poems.

He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven – W. B YeatsWorld Poetry Day

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths

Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

The poem begins with stunning imagery: if he owned the most precious material imaginable, he would allow his love to walk upon it. Yeats uses the most exquisite symbolism to express the fragility and preciousness of dreams. Although the poem is essentially romantic, I believe it is applicable to any relationship where care and trust is needed. In touching first person, Yeats conveys the vulnerability of sharing one’s hopes, thoughts and aspirations. Second person is only introduced in the final lines with the warning imperative to ‘tread softly’, to be mindful of feelings.

I love its simplicity. Only one word has more than two syllables. The repeated words reinforce his theme. The whole poem could almost be told in those recurrent words: ‘cloths’, ‘light’, ‘dreams’, ‘feet’. The lyrical internal rhymes ‘night and light and the half-light’ are swept along with an insistent conjunction, ‘and’. Word choice throughout is precise: ‘Enwrought’ begins a line brilliantly. Poetic devices are used gently with great subtlety and skill. I like the way it starts with grand imagery and becomes more humble and personal.

To me, this is writing at its best: beautiful words, ordered with care to create a universal, timeless and moving poem.

What’s your favourite poem? Please tell me about it in the comments!

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March 14, 2013 · 1:31 pm

Don’t Panic! Just Choose Your Words Carefully

“Pick your words with care” Ford Prefect warns Zaphod Beeblebrox in Douglas Adams’ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. I  think that’s great advice for all writers. When you’re writing, it can be very easy to lose yourself in your fantastic plot. Your characters take on a life of their own and you’reGuide away, giving a narrative account of the thrilling happenings in their lives. Unfortunately, this can mean that word choice suffers. In the best works of literature, every word is working hard to create a precise image, an exact impression on the reader. Chilean author Isabel Allende meticulously goes through every word of English translations of her novels, making sure that they are true to her original meaning.

One of the worst consequences of failure to focus on word choice is repetition. Repeated words indicate a lack of craft to the reader; they can infer a lack of originality. ‘Said’ is a regular issue. The word ‘said’ is, in fact, saying very little. Usually the preceding or following text is in speech marks, so the reader is already fully aware that it is being ‘said’ so tell them something they don’t know! What is that character’s tone or expression? How has what they’ve shared affected the atmosphere? Consider this example from Douglas Adams’ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:

“Fiscal policy. . .” he repeated, “that is what I said.”
“How can you have money,” demanded Ford, “if none of you actually produces anything? It doesn’t grow on trees you know.”
“If you would allow me to continue.. .”
Ford nodded dejectedly.
“Thank you. Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we have, of course, all become immensely rich.”
Ford stared in disbelief at the crowd who were murmuring appreciatively at this and greedily fingering the wads of leaves with which their track suits were stuffed.
“But we have also,” continued the management consultant, “run into a small inflation problem on account of the high level of leaf availability, which means that, I gather, the current going rate has something like three deciduous forests buying one ship’s peanut.”
Murmurs of alarm came from the crowd. The management consultant waved them down.

towel

Choosing different verbs and describing reactions can give vigour and immediacy to a text. Verb choice is worth getting right and can do a great deal for characterisation and mood. Try to think exactly how your characters each walk, talk and move – what habits do they have? We can tell a lot about the impetuous and larger than life character that is Zaphod Beeblebrox  from the verbs Adams uses to describe his speech: spat, demanded, muttered, seethed, bawled. These all appear on one double page. Compare this to the nervy Arthur Dent: gibbered, asked, whispered, protested, goggled. 

If you see a word repeated often in your text, particularly close together, the first thing to do is reach for the thesaurus. Every writer should have a quality thesaurus. Looking up ‘synonyms’ on Word is okay, but a  thesaurus will provide a more thorough list and give options categorised under multiple possible meanings. A good edition will also provide a sentence for context of trickier words. If you’re considering using a word that you’re not completely familiar with, check it in a dictionary to make sure it means exactly what you intend it to. Every writer should also have a quality dictionary.

A varied vocabulary gives you greater nuance of meaning, enriching your writing to give the reader a more enjoyable and entertaining experience. Because of our history, the English language has more synonyms than any other language. Writers, you have a wealth of options from which to choose! Standard English adults have a vocabulary  of around 20,000 words – are you using yours to its full potential?

By the way, if you haven’t already, do read some Douglas Adams!

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Thanks for reading! I’m always fascinated to know your thoughts and do please like and share!

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March 8, 2013 · 6:59 pm

International Women’s Day

To celebrate Women’s Day, you can have my ebook about inspirational women for free!

This uplifting illustrated collection warmly celebrates inspirational women from comedians to global campaigners. Entertaining descriptions of remarkable and ground-breaking achievements explain how these women have made particularly significant contributions. Admirable personal qualities form the theme of each biographical chapter: strong, inventive, cooperative, genuine and determined.

Download it now! Please share with anyone who might be interested! Thanks!

The Brilliant Women Collection

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