New Year’s Resolutions Fictional Characters Should Have Made

Clark Kent (Superman- Jerry Siegel, Joe Shuster): 

Superman

Buy more convincing disguise- minor difference in hairdo and specs aren’t quite cutting it anymore and besides, hipsters have ruined these glasses for me. Also, buy velcro shirts, they look easier to rip open- you would not believe how much of my time I spend sewing buttons back on.

Spectre (James Bond novels – Ian Fleming): Move HQ from hollowed out volcano, the health and safety implications are a nightmare.

Miss Havisham (Great Expectations – Charles Dickens): Consider a new look or at least get that wedding dress dry cleaned. 

haddockCaptain Haddock (Tintin – Hergé):  Join AA: one can only have so many whisky-fuelled near misses on the high seas.

Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights – Emily Brontë): Sign up to that anger management course and really get to grips with my abandonment issues. Or perhaps just move, it is rather gloomy on these moors.

Frodo (Lord of the Rings – J.R.R Tolkien): Find a giant eagle in the first instance next time, rather than taking the long and perilous way there, only to get an ornithological shortcut home, or just never leave the Shire again. 

Paddington-Bear-SandwichPi (Life of Pi – Yann Martel): Transport dangerous animals by air-freight next time.  

Paddington Bear (His eponymous series – Michael Bond): Take it easy on the Marmalade sandwiches; the duffel coat’s getting rather snug. 

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